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Posts Tagged ‘hip tattoo’

You people are really obsessed with nudity. Just be naked. You won’t have to look around the internet for nude skiers and naked females so much. Quit it already. Get some mirrors in your house and take off your clothes. I mean it. All kinds of mirrors—wall mirrors, tall mirrors, hand mirrors, standing mirrors, beveled mirrors, antique mirrors. Have a party.

Also, you might want to try getting your own ass tattoo. You must be in an advanced state of boredom to keep popping over here to find such things. Ass tattoos? Seriously? Grow up and grow a pair.

Here you find yourself, at twinklysparkles’, where I might soon be removing my clothes the photos to which I don’t have the rights. INCLUDING the naked male skiers. There are 2 of them around here, you know. I am tempted to leave the pictures up, but I would first have to try to find who they belong to and get permission. See? This is my obsession. Copyrights. Yours? Nude male skiers.

Better yet, find yourself a nudist ski resort. Many likely exist in Sweden and Norway. They probably don’t even call them nudist ski resorts. It’s de rigeur over there, NORMAL. Those Nordic types walk around naked 24/7. This is what socialism begets after all.

If you do go, make sure you have some money because those places are a. cold, and you’ll need to invest in a lot of really high-quality winter clothing and b. expensive, due to those Norse types being Socialist and all. You’ll be helping them to pay for their high-quality health care and public playgrounds and public nudity, which I am sure is taxed at an exorbitantly high rate.

I feel much better now.

Turn up the furnace and carry on.

katherine_081111169_2

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Feeling too positive? Happy with life? Think we are here to be fulfilled and joyous? Come see how the other half lives as I, twinklysparkles, aka, Katherine, engage in a dangerous activity known as ranting….

the dead chipmunk in the side garden bed

the dead chipmunk in the back yard

the constant dead rodents all over my gdamn yard and driveway courtesy of my cats

Hubby says we are genetically determined to like or dislike cilantro. To this I say, “I was born with the gene that programs me to hate the Grateful Dead (except for the song Ripple).”

the new “GoBerry” frozen yogurt sensation in Amherst, Mass is made with its share of junky ingredients: WHY ME?

Frankenfood, including all the forms to which I am addicted: GoBerry original flavor, small please, with Oreo cookies layered on the bottom and top; Utz Red Hot potato chips (maybe the best bbq potato chips on the planet, including those ones I love in Germany); sugar; Starbucks coffee ice cream (even though they changed the original formula)

IF your blog is on a black or blue background, I will not be able to read more than 2 lines (prose) or 4 lines (poetry) at a time and I might get an ocular migraine. Do you really want to piss twinkly off with this black background on your blog? Think about it. I’m probably not the only one, just the only one willing to piss and moan about it.

tail+gate= asshole

tail+gate+highbeams=asshole cubed

idling your car for more than 15 seconds. You may be a Republican and/or Floridian and/or TEA partier to boot. But please, don’t remain ignorant and keep idling that fuel-injection engine.

If you cannot bring your own cup to get filled for hot or cold beverages and insist on littering America and funding the oil industry, then fuck it (not fuck you, just fuck the behavior)

Just because you come from a particular ethnic group does not mean you are not part of America. This cuts both ways.

Splintering into ever-smaller cultural factions whether they be based on gender, race, sexual orientation, parenting status, marital status, etc etc etc. Not sure how age fits in here.

Computer time causing an increase in near-sightedness and fat asses (including yours truly’s eyes and ass)

roadkill

speeding, unless I need to get somewhere really fast; actually, just speeding in town. Maybe highway speeding is okay. Hmm. I’m simply unclear about speeding

drivers not slowing down for bicycles

bicyclists in traffic on cellphones without helmets (I kid you not, people)

waste

bad drivers

potholes

broken appliances and/or lamps (current tally in twinkly’s household? appx. 33)

mildew

bleach

disposable plastic cups of all kinds

bad singing mistaken for emotionally-powerful singing

Natalie Merchant, her voice, and moreover, her incredible sincerity

insincerity

exclusion for the sake of exclusion

88 degrees on September 26 in Western Mass

100+ degrees any day in Western Mass

spring peepers on September 27 in Western Mass

While I appreciate (I AM SERIOUS HERE, I REALLY APPRECIATE IT) anyone’s need to split their writing into different blogs, ie, the good woman, the bad girl, the sexy girl, the bad mom v. the good mom, etc, I have decided that I need to keep my whole self here, present. So kiss my tattooed ass if you don’t love me or my tattooed ass (it’s really my hip, but “kiss my tattooed hip” sounds neither powerful nor fun; well, it sounds like it might be fun actually)

Be kind to me, or treat me mean, I’ll make the most of it, I’m an extraordinary machine–Fiona Apple

(I LOVE YOU, remember, just not your habit of idling your car and using disposable grocery bags and drinking cups)

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