Posts Tagged ‘boobs’

When I was a kid, I had a book about a tiny woodland family that a little girl finds and brings home. She makes them a little house and uses a little wooden spool for a table for them and all sorts of things. I still have the book. It’s all banged up, a small paperback without acid-free pages, obviously. When I found the book a few years ago and read it to my daughters, the story was not as good as I remembered. I loved that book so much. Probably because of all the cuteness of the tiny objects the girl uses to welcome the tiny family. I think that is the name. The Tiny Family. It is by the same guy who wrote the Clifford books, Norman Birdswell. Okay. I did not look any of that up to check for accuracy. I will though because you know how compulsive I am about accuracy.

I am so glad I looked that up. I’m leaving all of my inaccuracies up there, though. Aren’t you proud of me? I got the last name wrong, as you can see. 50 cents, can you believe it? That is how old I am. Why doesn’t my computer have a cent symbol? You don’t like pennies Steve Jobs (RIP)? Oh, crap. I found it. Here: ¢. You want me to do that again? Here: ¢. I could do this all night. Look: ¢. WordPress, all is forgiven. twinkly forgives you for all of your faults. At least for now.

My point is that I haven’t had a period in 5 or 6 months. Mostly because of my fabulous, life-saving, bleeding-stopping acupuncturist. The ONLY person who had a real solution last winter when I was suffering from anemia and wouldn’t stop bleeding for ever and ever. Not the standard medical approach which just kept me bleeding and bleeding and losing more and more blood by the minute the minute I went off of progesterone (You’ll get a period, only it will probably be lighter and won’t last as long MY ASS!).

Well, yours truly started bleeding 11 days ago and I haven’t stopped yet. I’m starting to get anemic. I can feel it. It’s been a few days coming on now. Headaches, dizziness, sore throat, weakness, breathlessness (not the good kind). Yes, of course I take extra iron. But now I have to start eating red meat and more kale (I eat kale about 2ce a week year ’round anyway). Now I have to cook in a cast iron pan (Wait. I already do that regularly too). Now I have to ? See? I have been without my period for so long, I forgot what to do. Wait! I know something….¢

My tiny visitor is back. She is red. She does not wear a tiny flower for a hat. She does not sit on a thimble when she eats her breakfast. She is the same one who visited last year for 67 days out of 90. She is the one I love but who should only be here for a couple of days and then leave me the fuck alone.

Needless to say, I started taking my Yunnan Baiyao TODAY. 11 days is enough. But I’m not in menopause so there’s always that gift. You should see my boobs. LIKE A TEENAGER, I tell you! I will miss them when all of this stops. I really haven’t had boobs like this since my 20s. I won’t miss my other plumpness, though. Fuck you, you midsection bloat.

Sigh Sigh, Tiny Visitor. Sew and Flow, beautiful red flower in my underpants. I hope not to see you for a while. But thanks for the boobs. It was fun (and somewhat painful fer chrissakes! these babies hurt!) while it lasted. One day I’ll kiss you good-bye for good, I just won’t know it until a whole fucking year goes by. Haven’t gotten there yet.

This chart is bullshit. Fuck this chart. It is totally inaccurate. It’s not even red or bloody.

Read Full Post »

metal wagons

metal trikes

things that rust   no there will always be rust

cigarette ads

I’d rather fight than switch

liquor ads

men in hats

my father in a hat

Gladstone bags

flight crews (I know there are still flight crews; it’s not the same)

food and drinks included

metal utensils

department stores

5-story department stores

foundation garments

girdles (Mom, what’s a girdle?)

a magical time when women did not hate their bodies

bra fittings

training bras (really? training for what?)

how to put on a bra properly (I STILL know exactly how this is done, the bra-fitting ladies taught me. First, you bend over to about a 90 degree angle at the waist, let your boobs fall THEN put them into the cups! JEEZ! The rest is all about fluffing them in once you’ve stood up)

I do not know what this means

what my legs must have looked like when my first-ever boyfriend told me I had pretty legs

heavy black telephones


good sidewalks


those record players that all other girls but me seemed to have, just that square box

Easy Bake Oven I also did not have an Easy Bake Oven

12″ vinyl


electric blankets that burned your skin (this was only at sleepovers at other people’s houses)

pads with belts

pads without wings

non-tattooed bodies

Chinese food served in those tallish metal dishes with a lid. That food was gross! No wonder I thought I didn’t like Chinese food.

pig’s feet, wrapped in plastic, right in the meat case at the A & P

cow’s tongue, too

yes, the A & P

ice cream with freezer burn


the Detroit Tigers of my youth


meine Oma

my father

I miss him sometimes, I don’t know how, it’s been so long

this post harkens back to this post. What a sap! Make it stop!

Yes, I did put “boobs” as a tag to this post because, let’s face it, lots of people do google searches for boobs and ass (ass tattoo, too, don’t leave out the ass tattoo!!!)

I think I prefer the word tits, but there’s really no word that’s good enough

You know when people look at children playing and they say “I wish I had that kind of energy”? When people (okay, it’s always women) say that, I think “Are you kidding? I’m the one chasing that kid around, waiting for the next step, preparing the food, the nap time, the everything, the one without as much sleep.” I DO have that kind of energy and then some. What are these women thinking?

I kind of have too much energy, hence these numerous blogposts

Read Full Post »

I’ve taken a week off due to the fact of having celebrated TWENTY YEARS OF MARRIAGE last week (boldface indicates shouting from the rooftops and much feelings of joy and wonderment in anticipation over the last few weeks).

On Saturday night, we went to see Tim Minchin in Boston.

It was a little hard for me to choose what video of him to post, but I decided on this one because it’s a little less edgy and less un-PC than a lot of his stuff. If he comes around to your area, I recommend seeing him live. He’s part cabaret, part stand-up, part theater; all talent, wordsmith, piano player, songwriter; and always ready to crush on anything anyone holds sacred, including Y-O-U (and M-E, believe me). Quite refreshing!

I hope to be back in the swing of things for the rest of the week!

Read Full Post »