Archive for the ‘List’ Category

I love you too much!

Top 5 Heroin Songs

1. Heroin

2. Lust for Life (Hubby calls it “the happiest song about kicking smack ever written!”)

3. Needle and the Damage Done (not my fave NY song, but what the hey hey my my, it qualifies!)

4. Comfortably Numb (I’m not too fond of this, but it makes the list, OBVIOUSLY)

4.5. Bridge Over Troubled Water/Hey, Jude OKAY, so these aren’t really about smack, but I like the urban myths anyway

5. Honorable Mention: Sister Morphine

Top 5 Reasons I Can’t Sleep

1. itching on bottom of L foot

2. clutter

3. house too small/brain crowded

4. depression

5. went to bed after 11

6. new sheets felt scratchy

7. too hot/too cold

8. cat on bed, cat on head

Top 5 Haunted Things in My House

1. my remote mouse

2. my body

3. cat

Top 5 Reasons to Move out of This House

1. too small

2. on 116

3. on corner of busy road; fear of air pollution from too many cars and shortened life span from stress of traffic noise and bad air

4. 2 cats killed by cars

5. bad basement smell from Day 1 of purchase

6. it’s a ranch

7. it has no character

8. the bedrooms are next to the kitchen

9. hollow doors, not worth replacing considering 1-8

Top 5 Reasons to Stay

1. price

2. most convenient location in the world

3. must clear out clutter if we move

Top 5 Hottest Male Stars of All Time

1. Gary Oldman

2. Paul Newman

3. Javier Bardem

4. DDL

5. DDL in a loin cloth or as Bill the Butcher

6. Johnny Depp, but let’s drop the cigarettes already, Johnny, okay?

7. Anthony Hopkins

8. Heath

9. Leo di Caprio, especially that sex scene from The Beach

10. EWAN!

11. Alan Cumming

Top 5 Numbers of All Time

1. 3

2. 449

3. 25

4. point O O one

5. 225

Top 5 Vegetables

1. sweet potatoes

2. kale

3. that clean, local, nitrate-free bacon

4. some forms of chocolate

5. any perfectly-prepared coffee-blended

Top 5 Vacation Spots

1. Hanalei Bay, Kauai

2. Truro

3. P town

4. Paris

5. Prague

6. Amsterdam and Venice

7. the ocean

8. all the lakes of my childhood

9. Boulder

10. Annecy

11. New Mexico

12. New England

13. not camping

14. almost anywhere with my Hubby

Top 5 Friends

1. women

Top 5 Meals

1. Canada on a farm, long ago, I was 16, maybe 17, in high school, but I remember the peach pie and the homemade bread. And I don’t even like pie.

2. 2 meals at Parisian restaurant run by Greek chef, not sure which arr. I ate there once in 1991 and once in 1992. Around the corner was one of those free-standing Haagan Daaz ice cream stores and I got a chocolate-chocolate chip (cone?). It was SO good, not at all what you get in the pints any more. I really do remember it.

3. my mother’s spaghetti before she started to lose her memory

4. papaya with lime in Hawaii

5. Amsterdam open market

6. trdelnik

Worst Place to Pee EVER

1. darkly-lit hole in the ground (granted there were metal foot plates) when I was on my period behind best meal ever in Paris

Coolest Public Bathroom Experience Ever

1. Prague self-cleaning, automated, public loo (is it environmentally sound with all of that water use? I do not know)

Top 5 Worst Smells

1. the pee of Paris

2. poop of blind dog I took care of for a week in high school when owners were away

3. paper mill

4. driving through Gary, Indiana

5. big cities combo of exhaust and garbage when you’re just grooving around on foot

6. dead things in the woods

7. chemical detergent scents. REALLY? REALLY? Is this what you want to smell like?

8. mildewed clothes

9. pee clothes (I know it’s sad and some people can’t help it, but I do not like it)

10. boy pee vs. girl pee (boy pee is stronger (until menopause) and they get it all over everything. This is one reason why having 2 daughters, as opposed to any sons, works out pretty good for me)

11. cat pee/litter box

It Would Be Impossible To Put Down Top 5 Movies

I do love Rushmore, as you know. And Gangs of New York until the plot falls apart at the end and of course the unfortunate choice of Cameron Diaz.

There Will Be Blood except for Paul Dano. Elizabeth because it is so dramatic and Cate Blanchett is so beautiful and amazing. The Front, which we just saw for the final film of the Woody Allen revival at Amherst Cinema. Unforgiven—totally entertaining. Not a big fan of Spielberg, but I loved Catch Me If You Can for the fun of it. American masterpieces: Hard Time; Five Easy Pieces; Thunderbolt and Lightfoot; A Woman Under the Influence.

The Adventures of Baron Munchausen. The Fisher King.

The Godfather I and II because they are also masterpieces of American cinema. Nostalgia, though I don’t remember it.

Pennies From Heaven and Days of Heaven; Heavenly Creatures (okay, it’s not one of my favorites, but it does have the lovely Kate Winslet and keeps the theme of movie titles with the word heaven in them. And it’s Peter Jackson and very very trippy).

Some of the images from The Fall, especially the opening sequence.

Top 5 Rolling Stones Songs

1. Sweet Virginia

2. Can’t You Hear Me Knocking

3. Loving Cup

I give up already. This shit just got real, yo.

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1. this song

2. I will, from now on, call writing poetry, poeming, without apologies and without explanation and even in submissions: Dear Editor of Journal I Will Likely Not See My Work Published In Ever: I have been poeming for x number of years. Kiss my ass.

3. not really. I will NEVER do that.

4. kiss my everloving tattooed ass hip

5. when I am alone driving, driving and crying go hand-in-hand

6. (to drive is to cry)

7. The Silos were a great band. Too bad about their lack of making it big. DAMN.

8. You know that month where people write a poem a day? It is called NaPoWriMo. I will probably never do that. I am one who falls into the camp of not finding prompts or deadlines or challenges particularly necessary or helpful for my writing though they can be fun and somewhat useful. But I have decided I will submit one batch of poems per day for 30 days. Started yesterday. Kiss my ass.

9. More Silos. No visuals, just the song. Listen to it before it gets copyright-infringed. Then buy the tune for your iPod. Don’t be a cheapskate. Our friend once categorized their music as “Domestic Rock.” Pretty accurate I’d say.

10. I had to have my necklace/bracelet (it is long enough to go twice around my neck and 5 times around my wrist) repaired because I never took it off. I wore it in the shower, to sleep, in the ocean, to yoga class, on bike rides, on hikes, in the bath tub. I was too hard on it.

11. I wrote hard on and I’m pointing it out to you as if you hadn’t noticed. How juvenile of us. But really, can we help it?

12. If I write kiss my ass in a post, I feel I owe a debt of gratitude and recognition to Erin O’Brien. Every time. As if she made up the phrase which I don’t think she did, but if someone told me that she did, I would totally believe it.

13. I get a lot of hits for “ass tattoo.” But mine is really on my hip, as you know. My acupuncturist knows.

14. I can’t find a good photo of my beautiful necklace (made by none other than Rebecca Rose), but you see it in many of my photos. I am going to post a photo of a gemstone from Amherst College that has roughly the same color blue as my necklace:

15. Okay. I have written a few “poems” lately. But what a mess.

16. It’s getting late. I gotta go so I can submit.

17. Ass Tattoo on Hip:

I know there’s a funny little bruise on my mid-section. So strange. And this is way before my cracked rib.

18. Consignment belt I love ♥! All those studs make me feel a. hip and b. skinny and c. tough

19. pink

20. Should I stop? Probably time to submit my poems. I hate this already.

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1. I am not pierced in my nether regions

2. does an earlobe qualify as nether?

3. I love

4. I hate

5. I read

6. I write

7. brain cell count going down

8. blood

9. bloody hell

10. wank

11. wanker

12. tosser

13. wankathon


15. in England, your “fanny” is your “front bum” (girl)

16. you talk funny

17. I love many many fine movies

18. silly is good

19. play with your words!

20. food

21. not a vegetarian

22. yeah, I think I should be more evolved, too

23. 95

24. 100


26. what do you want to know?

27. ask me

28. ask me, my blog is getting really boring

29. blue and purple and pink, pink too

30. I love frangipani (plumeria). It’s all over Hawaii, often they make leis out of it

31. lily-of-the-valley

32. those must be my 2 favorite flower scents

33. how am I doing? isn’t that exactly the kind of thing people write about on these lists?

34. a friend of mine in college once smuggled some fresh frangipani wrapped in tin foil back from the Virgin Islands

35. I used to collect matchbooks

36. my parents freaked out all the time thinking the house would burn down with all of those matchbooks in my bedroom

37. I had a really cool teeny-tiny tub-shaped container of matches from Kentucky Fried Chicken. It was supposed to look like a bucket of chicken. I think it was actually 3 tiny tubs that fit into a little box with a lid. Teeny-tiny. I’ll look for them and take a photo.

38. I have no idea how I got those matches

39. what do you think of asking for donations?

40. for my boob job, of course!

41. duh

42. I once swam in the turquoise waters of that famous little beach on the island of St. John

43. Seals and Crofts (first concert)

44. I don’t really want a boob job

45. Bowie, Detroit, 1976 or 7. I’m not kidding.

46. (that was my second concert, ’cause I sort of think that Seals and Crofts isn’t cool enough)

47. what rhymes with tummy tuck?

48. July. I’m a Cancer. It’s in my “About”

49. Smokey Robinson. That was a time.

50. I thought of going to Chicago in October just to hear Robyn Hitchcock perform Eye in its entirety

51. but I won’t

52. if I can do it, you can do it (except certain girl-only things if you are a boy)

53. once, I was talking to Robyn Hitchcock after a show in Northampton (2005?) but I was making a slight ass out of myself. I wanted to keep talking and talking. I was probably charming. I felt charming. He wasn’t really listening to me, just sort of off on his own tangent. I don’t think I was listening to him either.

54. it was probably 3 minutes or less of talking, but in my memory it was about an hour of interesting conversion. We were witty. And charming.

55. I related everything to Waldorf education and maybe to the Alexander Technique, too

56. I didn’t realize until that night that ham or hamp in a place name=hamlet and a hamlet is a little town and shire=county a more rural place where people live but really just farther out than the town itself and ton=town. Hampshire, Northampton. It’s like town town town town, all town all the time

57. Motown, city of my birth

58. Have you seen the Baha’i Temple outside of Chicago? I have, a few times. It’s beautiful (but I don’t think the photo does it justice)

59. Though my children have been Waldorf-educated, I’m terrible at handwork and I don’t like it, but I’m not sure which came first

60. I’m actually not bad at embroidery

61. but I don’t have the patience

62. rolling around to 21 years of marriage here

63. I’ve been with my husband longer (25 years) than I was without him (23 years)

64. that is a cool and wild happening in one’s life. when time falls away behind and also stretches out ahead like that

(this is goofy in the beginning, I know, but I really like this live version of this nice song)

65. I’m about done

66. Edna Mode quote: And call me when you get back, dahling, I enjoy our visits!

67. I don’t want to end on an even number, so I’m adding just one more (but this is NOT NUMBERWANG!)

♥ twinkly

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metal wagons

metal trikes

things that rust   no there will always be rust

cigarette ads

I’d rather fight than switch

liquor ads

men in hats

my father in a hat

Gladstone bags

flight crews (I know there are still flight crews; it’s not the same)

food and drinks included

metal utensils

department stores

5-story department stores

foundation garments

girdles (Mom, what’s a girdle?)

a magical time when women did not hate their bodies

bra fittings

training bras (really? training for what?)

how to put on a bra properly (I STILL know exactly how this is done, the bra-fitting ladies taught me. First, you bend over to about a 90 degree angle at the waist, let your boobs fall THEN put them into the cups! JEEZ! The rest is all about fluffing them in once you’ve stood up)

I do not know what this means

what my legs must have looked like when my first-ever boyfriend told me I had pretty legs

heavy black telephones


good sidewalks


those record players that all other girls but me seemed to have, just that square box

Easy Bake Oven I also did not have an Easy Bake Oven

12″ vinyl


electric blankets that burned your skin (this was only at sleepovers at other people’s houses)

pads with belts

pads without wings

non-tattooed bodies

Chinese food served in those tallish metal dishes with a lid. That food was gross! No wonder I thought I didn’t like Chinese food.

pig’s feet, wrapped in plastic, right in the meat case at the A & P

cow’s tongue, too

yes, the A & P

ice cream with freezer burn


the Detroit Tigers of my youth


meine Oma

my father

I miss him sometimes, I don’t know how, it’s been so long

this post harkens back to this post. What a sap! Make it stop!

Yes, I did put “boobs” as a tag to this post because, let’s face it, lots of people do google searches for boobs and ass (ass tattoo, too, don’t leave out the ass tattoo!!!)

I think I prefer the word tits, but there’s really no word that’s good enough

You know when people look at children playing and they say “I wish I had that kind of energy”? When people (okay, it’s always women) say that, I think “Are you kidding? I’m the one chasing that kid around, waiting for the next step, preparing the food, the nap time, the everything, the one without as much sleep.” I DO have that kind of energy and then some. What are these women thinking?

I kind of have too much energy, hence these numerous blogposts

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Because no one used to have a bucket list. People had wishes and desires, things to do and see before long, before death, but they did not have bucket lists by the name MY BIG FAT BUCKET LIST

That’s why.

1. learn Italian

2. learn African drumming

3. learn to hula hoop (again)

4. learn to love more (aw!)

5. learn to smoke less

6. learn to limit my cigarette intake

7. true or false?

8. bucket, fuck it!

9. learn to fence

10. leather jackets are squeaky, didja ever notice?

11. how do those Kama Sutra people have safe sex with all of those bracelets all over their arms? OUCH!

12. set up a permanent place (a goddamn office like I used to have) for one of my massage tables. I am awesome and I should work and I miss it (remember: there’s no massage like a Glatter massage)

13. bike more

14. bike some

15. bike a little

16. just bike already, okay?

17. Burning Man? probably not

18. another tattoo (more likely than Burning Man, but not very likely)

19. attend the births of my grandchildren (If I’m lucky enough to get some some day AND I’m invited. Adopted is good, too. I’ll take adopted)

20. learn to use a hammer and ladder much better than I currently can

21. learn to chop wood

22. survival skills

23. star of stage and screen, no matter how small

24. write a poem. AT LEAST one. One, just one fucking poem, okay?

25. sex position. Learn a new sex position. With or without bracelets. Okay, no bracelets or rings. NO PIERCINGS either.

26. don’t be a hater (aw!)

27. Kegels

28. why on god’s earth are Kegels named after a man? You think we didn’t think of that before doc? Fuck that, you bastard.

29. eat more

30. eat less

31. cook more

32. on second thought, make enough money to have a very large house with separate quarters for a live-in cook. But he/she is well-paid and gets lots of days off.

33. help build a Habitat for Humanity house

34. really! that one was for real (not that the other ones weren’t, but maybe that one gives me and the entire post the necessary gravitas)

35. shed inner conflict and don’t listen to the demons of doubt about dropping capitalizations and/or punctuation. whenever I feel like it, esp in blog comments. Haphazard, arbitrary, sometimes, always, never. Keep ’em guessing!!!

36. when I searched google images for Kama Sutra, I didn’t expect a stone carving with a donkey (horse?) to show up. I am SO not doing that!

37. how many items do people usually have on their bucket lists?

38. do not write stupid, insignificant, self-indulgent posts

39. I know, read Infinite Jest

40. but not really

41. how about, I’ll just reread all my favorite books from forever including books from my childhood and my childrens’ childhoods

42. and movies, too, yes, all those movies I love, especially Godfather I and II and Tarkovsky, Nostalgia

43. c’mon, all the kids are doing it–that’s what blogging is for (see #38)

44. marvel at the beauty of the central image of Infinite Jest and simply keep letting Hubby fill you in on the important parts of important novels. He’s your walking Cliff Notes, use him.

45. and TV: Cracker and Sopranos but not The Wire, no, except for Omar, I’ll just watch Omar

46. Omar

Carry on

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