Likelihood that twinkly’s Index will have at least one photo: 100%
Chance that it will feature breasts: 0
Rank, in importance of kitchen rules, of not using the non-garlic-and-onion cutting board for cutting garlic and onions: 2
still life by Jeffrey Freedner
Rank, in importance, of not washing twinkly’s vintage glassware in automatic dishwasher: 2
#1 rule in twinkly’s kitchen: this is what keeps the mystery in the marriage; why should I tell you?
Mathematical equation by which twinkly calculates rank of kitchen rules: 6 kale leaves multiplied by number of maple syrup quarts left in pantry stock ÷ granola³
Maximum number of females in twinkly’s household at press time: 5
Maximum number of males: 1
Number of household members sleeping: 4
Ages of non-feline, non-sleeping household members, respectively: youngest, oldest
Rank among parents in twinkly household that Hubby holds for “funniest person in the house:” 1
Amount by which twinkly suspects other voting members were paid off to attain this rank: 1 Lindt chocolate each
Percent more absorbable heme-iron is than non-heme iron, according to twinkly’s Energizing Iron supplement: 33
How tired twinkly will be of frying beef in a cast-iron pan after the next 2 months as she tries to build back her iron stores (multiple choice: not at all; sort of; very; please don’t make me eat a hamburger ever again in my life)
Likelihood that Hubby, at any given hour of the day, is listening to yet another live version of Wilco’s Handshake Drugs: 29%
Amount of inward joy twinkly feels when she hears him listening to this song: unmeasurable
Minimum number of Julian Cope CDs in twinkly’s household: 23
Minimum number in which Julian is playing a Casio: 19
Likelihood that eldest teenager in house, given her druthers, will sleep past noon on any given non-school day: 98%
Likelihood that anyone has druthers to give: 7.4%
Non-heme iron sources found in twinkly’s kitchen at this time: appx. 5
twinkly’s favorite among these: kale
twinkly’s least favorite, though tolerable: organic molasses, straight from the bottle
enthusiasm twinkly has for eating roasted pumpkin seeds: meh
likelihood that she’ll eat them anyway in any given day until anemia is resolved: 87%
love that twinkly has for 20-year old Dualit 2-slice toaster, purchased with wedding money: ABUNDANT
love that other family members have for said toaster: appx .09% (one might say, an anemic amount of love)
Rank, among household appliances, of Dualit toaster and Sebo vacuum, in twinkly’s mind, respectively: 1, 1
Number of years pink Cuisinart toaster, which twinkly managed to purchase at the bargain price of $69, lasted: 2
Number of times, in 20 years, that Dualit toaster has broken down: 1
Price to fix by Ed of Ed’s Electric: $15
Original cost of toaster: $199
Price of toaster, adjusted for inflation while factoring in built-in obsolesence of all small-kitchen electronics produced by American companies but manufactured in China: -$199
Money twinkly has saved on bagels over the last 11 years by purchasing them on $5.99 Wednesdays instead of paying full price: 3 million, 211 thousand, 50 dollars and 22 cents
twinklysparkles 