fifty

dog in yard, chewing on a beef bone

bones used to be free from the butcher, now I paid $2 for one

when I lived in Kent, Ohio, all those years (1981-2000), there was a free-standing butcher shop

it closed before I got a dog, so I never got bones there

it is hot outside, 95 degrees at least

this is another change since my youth

it seems my kids will never know what summers were really like

I sit inside in my air conditioning and it’s not that I didn’t do that before, it’s that the stretches of heat are longer and longer

I dreamed my ribs opened in the front, at my sternum

they became a boat in which I could lie down, the boat in the cool water and me cradled by my own bones, floating

I remember how little my children were, how fun, how fast the time goes, how it couldn’t go fast enough and how tired I was, how I barely slept

Now there are wrinkles and gullies, eyes pushed back into darker sockets, lashes shrinking. I am as vain as ever.

Hubby made this for me for my birthday. I love it. That’s John Hodgeman and Jeff Tweedy and my whole family in the crowd at Solid Sound 2013 singing Happy Birthday.

I love the one where I’m smoking because it seems like another lifetime. I almost forgot that I smoked.

I also love that I’m in a bikini piloting a boat because that only happened once.

I also love the one where I’m with my Oma. That was her little balcony off of her little apartment. I really loved my Oma but I didn’t get to see her very often, across an ocean.

I like the ones where my kids are babies and the one with my old dog Aggie.

My mother will be 80 in December. I never forget her age.

I will not be making TACO BALLS (a recipe I saw on pinterest) any time soon, not even since I’m fifty. You have to please yourself.

I had the BEST birthday ever! I got the best presents and the most Facebook wishes and nice people have come to lots of little events I’ve asked them to come to in honor of my birthday.

I’ve gotten to go singing sea shanties and Sacred Harp, to read poems, to listen to poems, to go out dancing, to hear amazing bands, to watch live theater outdoors. Going singing some more tomorrow.

More More More

sometimes I remember how blessed I am, sometimes I piss and moan

I got to go out dancing with my beautiful teenage daughters and my hubby and, you know, my girls LOVE to dance. What fun we had. How fortunate I am, what a happy night with cake.

CAKE!

I have never played a stringed instrument in my life. Just got my first ukelele and since I love Hawaii, maybe it will work out for me.

Here’s a new song that I love. I would never have known it if I hadn’t gone to a sweet little Open Mic at a co-housing complex in Northampton last week.

Maybe I’ll turn 50 again next July 15. It’s been so fun.