A recent photo of me on our trip to San Diego. As adorable, sexy, beautiful, and fascinating as I am, I hope you can still tell I’m saying don’t fuck with me.
I will tell you the sordid detail now, why I am bleeding and won’t stop, why I bled last year for 67 days out of 90, why why why and why I didn’t know the full story of my own blood loss.
2 days after my ER visit in January, I had an in-office vaginal ultrasound (hey, buck up readers, did you think I wasn’t gonna mention my vagina?) by none other than the OB/GYN who had me in the stirrups in the ER.
Fast-forward to about 6 weeks ago when I went to the OB/GYN’s office, yet again, due to menstrual flooding (refusing to see the Offending Doctor, of course). When I was in the office talking to yet another doctor, thankfully not in stirrups, what did I find out? That back in January, on that very ultrasound, a 3+ cm fibroid tumor was found at the back of my uterus, embedded in the lining in such a way that I WILL ALWAYS END UP FLOODING WITHOUT CESSATION until I am on the other side of menopause and it goes away or until some hormonal or surgical intervention takes place.
Why my body was able to not bleed for almost 6 months (completely off of progesterone but under the loving care of my acupuncturist), I do not know. But once I started, I haven’t stopped. I’ve been able to cut back the progesterone to a more reasonable and less interfering dose, but I can’t go off of it until I undergo one of 4 options, each of which is fairly traumatic in scope to me.
It took me a while of reeling from the information (appx 3 weeks) that the OB/GYN, the office staff, the nursing staff, the radiology department (does that about cover it?) NEVER told me I have a tumor (fibroids are benign btw) before I could conceive of a plan. I have been under my acupuncturist’s care, but I was not in a place where I trusted the gynecologic practice I was with. The impending week away to California also meant that I had to wait until our return to deal with the fibroid.
I spoke with an MD in the same practice at 5:30 am a few Sundays ago and was very pleased with his attention, information, ability to listen and answer questions, and apparent intelligence. I will be seeing this MD on Monday and I will be discussing a few different options so I can make a decision and get off the progesterone and see what my body does in response to whatever choice I make.
I am scared and tired and sad and I got really sad news about my mother yesterday as well. Her health problems are myriad and long-standing, but she has been in a dramatic memory decline for several months. So, I am dealing with that as well, her only daughter and her primary caretaker.
It’s hard. Harder than I could ever have imagined. And I thought having babies was tough stuff. I don’t remember this part being explained to me. The sandwich years of my generation. Can I get a witness?
someone would like you to believe this is what women look like when they need to use the toilet
this is not what I look like
ever
twinklysparkles 
Hi, I feel exhausted and pale just reading this blog post. Bleeding that much is demoralizing on a reptilian-brain level. It is not natural to bleed that much and it makes us feel as if we are dying, and we may be. I really feel for you because sometimes it seems that none of the options are good ones, but a fibroid…well, I hope there IS an acceptable option for you that doesn’t involve someone trying to convince you to rip body parts out and grind them up. If you want a second opinion, email me and I’ll put it in front of the family practice doc I’ve worked with for 6 years who is smart and sensitive and thoughtful and just returned from a fabulous integrated health conference at Scripps. Big hug sister. Sorry about your mom too. That makes me sad.
Thanks for the support. It is amazing to know you are out there reading my words. Your comment is helpful and supportive to me.
I am not sure what more another practitioner could say. The fibroid does seem to be the thing, but hey, you could ask. No harm in gathering information if you ask me.
Thanks, Miss!!!! Katherine
You’ve got a lot going on and bleeding is like your body slowly weakening. It’s disheartening and frustrating and I agree your options are slightly scary and dramatic. I’m glad you’ve been seeing an acupuncturist, but there are times when medical intervention is prudent. I also believe you need to trust yourself amidst all the process and if you don’t like who you are seeing, go see someone else. You will be much more open to options and solutions if you actually have some respect for the person suggesting them.
Be gentle with yourself and do take care. Hugs to you… and your mom.
Thanks. I am glad I finally found an MD, though he is within the same practice, who I trust. Unless that changes, I will stick with this group.
Thanks for the support. I FEEL it. It’s amazing. I will be much happier if I can get past the bleeding and into a new phase.
Hey, I’ve been running a little bit!!! That’s how it is. I run a little here and there, but never really stick with it long enough to run farther and build some sort of endurance. Admittedly, trying to start building up a running practice is hard when I’m anemic.
Keep up the good blogging and thanks for your kind wishes. Katherine
Hi Katherine,
I found running when anemic to be really hard. My health, mental well-being, and general life just suffered so much. It’s nothing like actually being in a direct state of “loss” as you are, but I was barely able to go up a flight of stairs some day.
Exercise is great (yay for running!) as it fits for you. I’m glad you have found some good support and care. Let’s hope things turn around soon.
This is good to hear because I am getting a little bit caught up on blaming myself. Such as: I am not positive enough, I am just giving in to laziness and exhaustion. If I just pull myself up by my bootstraps, I’ll be better. Such a bullshit voice in my head.
I am still getting winded from walking up a small flight of steps, but I have been hiking (big hills!) and biking (in La Jolla, California, also some rolling hills). I still run the little I mentioned. I am winded, but getting stronger. I tend to slack off on taking in as much iron as soon as I feel better. BIG MISTAKE. That is key. To keep building my stores and not rest on my laurels!
Thanks again for the input and support. It’s great to hear from a “real” runner! Katherine
We are all real, regardless of what we do.
And I have been on the max amount of iron my body will handle for over a year. I also tend to slack off as my stores build up, but it’s a total no-no. Before you realize it, you’re depleted again and then it’s back to slowly rebuilding. Now I see it’s just a permanent part of my routine.
take care.
Good Lord woman, I hope you resolve this soon. Makes my menopausal journey seem like a picnic. Thanks for the giggle at the ending.
I hope I resolve it soon too!!! I think most menopausal journeys are not picnics, however. Just that ONE friend of mine who seemed to have only one year of changes and then boom, was done at age 45. It was like “no peri-menopause” menopause.
Giggle is good. I can hop over to your blog for more of that.
See you around (here, there, Facebook). Thanks! Katherine
I’m sorry to hear you going through all this. I know the woes of fibroids — I’m starting to believe just about every other woman has them. So I liken them to barnacles. I have quite a few but I’m asymptomatic, relatively — I do bleed heavily two days out the the eight that I have my period. Through out the years I’ve seen many specialists, even the guy featured in New York’s annual Best of the Best feature — he was a creep and I wouldn’t have him touch me with a ten foot pole. The conclusion for me was, if they don’t bother me, don’t bother them. I wasn’t a candidate for some of the less invasive procedures, only a hysterectomy. But have you considered the procedure where they freeze the lining of the uterus to shrink the fibroid, or the procedure where they cut the flow of blood from the main artery leading to the uterus which also shrinks them? Then we have menopause to look forward to where the decrease in estrogen might work to shrink them. Good luck. I hope it all works out in the end for you…
I love you writing so much, Sandee!!! Even this comment. You always have a colorful way of describing things. I like the image of a barnacle. IT’S PERFECT. I LOVE IT!!!! BARNACLE IN MY PATOOTIE PARTS. LOVE LOVE LOVE.
The freezing/burning of the lining/fibroid appeals to me the most, but I’ve been steered more toward a Mirena IUD or a hysterectomy. Both leave me very concerned. I’m not mentally ready to give up my delicious uterus, but could probably come around and make peace with it. The Mirena just makes me think of pain because I have tended toward all sorts of painful situations up there. Pain on my ovaries from cysts. Mid-cycle painful bloating. ETC. There’s not that much room in there!
Ciao! I am trying to catch up on your blog after my California trip…hopefully this weekend.
Katherine
That’s APPALLING. I’m so sorry you got treated by that doctor as if you, the patient, didn’t exist. You do not deserve it. I hope you all find a solution that will work and not cause too much trauma.
I’m also sorry about your mom. Good thoughts.
Yes. Thanks for the good thoughts and support. It helps a lot. I’ve been feeling pretty YICKED OUT!!!
Still thinking of our meeting day out in CA. So nice. I hope you can come east and see us here some time, too. The other Katherine (but not the video game one. Was that a video game? Dream? Story? See, my brain doesn’t work, almost like my mother’s sometimes, double-yikes).
Hi Katherine,
It is so nice to be playing scrabble with you. I told my husband Junichi that I would love to make a trip out east when the kids are a bit older and do some AT with my fellow colleges. I am so sorry to hear of your fibroid problems. They sound very distressing to me and I hope your appointment on Monday helps you journey to a place where you can make a decision and be at peace with it. Sometimes I find it so hard to be an adult when we have to make such big decisions. I am also sorry to hear about your Mom’s declining health. I remember her being such a sweet kind person when I meet her at Missy’s. Be sure to pamper yourself and say hi to your family for me.
Thanks for reading my blog and for commenting, Regina!
I don’t do any AT any more, but I am taking a little refresher course with Missy (3 hours a month, but what a huge 3 hours it is!). I usually assist on the training course in the fall and inevitably, something comes up and by Nov. I stop. This year was different–I never started. There are not too many students any more, but it is always fun to be around whoever is there.
Maybe we will see you out here one day!
Scrabble is definitely fun. You are kicking my ass!!!
Stop back any time. Kath